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18/8/2019: Since the last time I wrote, I had Ginji pass away on me at the age of 17. He actually passed away while I was taking a nap and I didn't even hear his final beeps. I awoke to the scene of the little angel and stars... I still had time left with him but he died hungry and very unhappy. :( I didn't have time to restart my clear purple Tama that day because Matt and I had to go and house sit for Andrea. But I got home not so long ago and decided why not. So I have a bouncing egg on that same clear purple Tama just waiting to hatch. Not sure who I will go for this time! But I'll be happy with anyone really. My last blog was written on a not so good evening.... I'm really worn out from thinking about all the negative stuff that has gone on with me. I'm definitely not going back to work again, and have no idea where I will go from here. I just couldn't work in that office anymore and was getting worse mentally by the day. It was a mistake to go back in March, but I know for sure now that I tried the best I could to make it work. It's just been so humiliating how many times I've been off sick in the last 8 years.... And I don't know if it will be any different in another job. Depression has really taken over where the anxiety left off. I still have anxiety but it's nowhere as bad as the depression is. That could all change at anytime of course... There's no rhyme or reason to my mental health. Tonight I went to a family gathering and one of my family members asked me what I was going to do next with regard to work. I immediately shut down and felt stupid and left. I can't seem to handle any sort of situation anymore. My self confidence is gone completely. I don't feel I have a thing to offer this world anymore. On another note.... I have a very sick Miss here tonight. My cat, Miss is not well at all. :( I forgot to mention in my previous logs that the dog Marty died last November... Or maybe I did mention that.... Either way it's really sad and I am not prepared at all for anything to happen to miss right now.. But who knows... |